Stuff to look at – January 2014

Here are the links I posted on Facebook in January 2014! This is a huge one.

Blog Posts

Church issues

Gender roles

  • Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible. This is a great reply to the idea that single women shouldn’t leave home until married. “The Bible doesn’t say your calling as a young woman is to be a “worker at home.” In fact, Paul says, “The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she who is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” So it is the married woman who specifically is a worker at home, not necessarily the single woman.”

Health and wellbeing






  • Hacking Habits: How To Make New Behaviors Last For Good. “Want to write everyday? Start exercising? Quit smoking? We look at how to hack our brains’ hard-wired habit loops to change our lives for the better.”
  • Upcycled Pallet Coffee Table.
  • What We Confess With Our Clothing. “Our clothing is a really humiliating reality — humanity’s longest-standing cover-up operation. Amazingly, we almost only think of it now in terms of pride and approval, in terms of fashion. But the dressing room of the garden, far from being fashionable, was one of the most fatal moments history’s ever known.”


  • It Matters Whom You Marry. “So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.”
  • Guys, It Matters Whom You Marry, Too. “Just as a woman must think carefully about a potential husband, you must be careful about a potential wife. Careful evaluation in a number of areas will save you a lifetime of frustration.”
  • Relationship Warning Signs: Signs of Abusive Women. Potential female abusers will give you warnings signs. Find out what they are.



  • Alienation to alien nation. This whole situation upsets me to no end. “The fact is that boat people do not break any law by coming here the way they do. Over the past 15 years, 90% of them have ultimately been assessed as refugees entitled to our protection. Their arrival rate over the last 12 months has been much higher than the historic average, but even now it represents only four weeks’ ordinary population growth. While an estimated 25,000 boat people arrived in Australia in the 12 months to June 30, 2013, we received 168,685 new permanent migrants and over six million visitors came to our shores in the year ended December 2012. Boat people do not present a demographic problem for Australia.”
  • The indefensible war on asylum seekers. “Seeking asylum, no matter how it’s done, is not illegal. Nathan Campbell explains why, and how we can help.”
  • Racism. It stops with me.


Sex and pornography





  • Private schools do not deserve a cent from our public funds. New numbers show that Australian government schools are being ripped off. If parents choose to opt out of a public service, they should not expect the government to help them do it.
  • Yasmin Pill Side Effects. Marie Claire investigates the concerning side-effects of the birth control pill Yasmin. I’m not convinced that this is a good article. It doesn’t give all the information required to make an informed choice – for example, re-existing conditions the women might have. I would take it with a whole handful of salt.




Adam 4d



  • Child abusers can be anyone. “There are a lot of myths about child abusers, and the only people that benefit from them are the abusers themselves. Please think about that before you talk about the “type of people” that abusers are, or which organisations are “full of” abusers, because the facts don’t support the hype. Not so long ago, I was surprised to hear a friend say that child abusers are not the ‘type of person’ found in his circles. A quick survey among friends showed that he wasn’t the only one with such shocking beliefs. Then today, I was skimming through a page that primarily posts educational material, when I came across a comment stating that child abusers would not subscribe to such a page. Where do people get these ideas? Is it the media, or is it just that we don’t want to see that abusers are people ‘like us’ in many respects. So many people claim to know someone who is “absolutely innocent beyond any doubt”, no matter how many times they have been accused, and sometimes even convicted. Then there are the people who “stay away from churches” as though abuse is anywhere near as common there as it is at home. The thing with perpetrators of physical / sexual / emotional / spiritual abuse of children (actually, about predators in general) is that you don’t know who they are, and neither do we. Sure, there are techniques that will help you spot a predator, but there will always be those that manage to slip under the radar. An offender might have grown up with you; they might live under your roof, and even share your bed, without you knowing what they are. They might be close to someone you know, come with glowing references, be well-known, or even a child advocate, but that does not place them above suspicion. Your local parish priest is no more likely to know the habits of his colleagues, and the details of corruption in the church hierarchy, than the average public servant knows about his colleagues, and the secrets of the federal government. There is no guarantee that your friend, colleague, mentor, cousin, doctor, or even a fellow survivor, is not an abuser. They can be rich or poor, intelligent or ignorant, charming or rude, lonely or surrounded by friends and family. They come from all social classes, all gender identities, all occupations, and families of every description. They can be members of any religious group, agnostics, atheists, spiritualists, or ‘other’. They can be adults, other children, or the elderly, able-bodied or disabled. No social class, culture, or ‘circle’ is immune to this disease. While statistically, a sexual predator is most likely to be a heterosexual male, there are still far too many female, and LGBTIQ perpetrators. Don’t be fooled though; sexual orientation is irrelevant when it comes to an offender choosing a victim, because sexual assault is about power, not lust – that is why most offenders target both adults and children. The intention here isn’t to frighten you, but to arm you with enough knowledge to protect your children. There is absolutely no point being wary of the reclusive old man next door, if your friend’s twelve year old daughter is free to victimise your toddler by virtue of her age or gender. Ask yourself, how can you be sure about the charming parents at the school, that gorgeous man at work, or that nice lady from the corner shop? What is it about your cousin that guarantees her innocence? If your uncle was just a friend of the family, would you still trust him so much? Who says that a person who does a lot of good, cannot also be one who does evil? Remember, most have never been convicted, so most will pass a working with children check, even if they have been accused or charged in the past. They don’t wear signs on their heads, they wear masks – masks that make them look, and act, just like the rest of us. No one, regardless of their position, reputation, or affiliation, is beyond question. (JB)”
  • Ignoring a problem. “Ignoring a problem does not make it go away, so why do we think that ignoring child abuse will make it go away ? With child abuse as with a lot of problems of life, to ignore it gives it more room to grow, more ability to evolve and makes it a much harder problem to stop. There are many topics, such as politics, death, and religion, that people have difficulty discussing, but there are also topics that people avoid almost entirely. Child abuse, and particularly child sexual abuse, fall into that second category. There is a deeply ingrained culture of silence, passed down through many generations, that makes such things hard to acknowledge, and sometimes even to see at all, let alone change. Perhaps the topic of child abuse makes you nervous because you don’t know what to say, or maybe you feel that it is none of your business, because you don’t personally know a survivor of abuse. You could feel out of your depth, or even that you have no right to speak about something that you have not experienced first-hand. All of that is understandable, but cultural change will never happen without discussion. I believe that many people out there who are appalled when they hear about child abuse cases, still do not speak about child abuse in general, for the reasons above. They may sit watching the news, feeling sick at what they see, yet feel so removed from the story that they assume that there is nothing they can do. Fortunately, that is not true. I am sure you have heard the saying ‘knowledge is power’; one of the simplest things you can do to help is to speak, start a conversation, and change the culture of silence by teaching your children. It is the culture of silence that gives the predator their power. Stand with us at Fighters Against Child Abuse Australia, and take that power back. The Thing That No One Knew; There was a thing that no one knew. It was large and menacing cunning and deceitful. It spoke every language. Its tentacles stretched across the land, and touched the lives of everyone. There was a thing that no one knew. No one knew what it looked like. No one knew what it smelt like. No one knew what it sounded like. No one knew its name, and no one knew what it was. But that was not entirely true. You see, some people had heard of the thing. Some people had even seen the thing. But these people ignored the thing. They pretended like it didn’t exist, not because they weren’t frightened, but because they were. They had felt uncomfortable when they had spoken about the thing, and thought if they just ignored the thing it would go away. Many thought it best not to tell others about the thing, lest they feel uncomfortable or frightened too. But that’s not how the thing works. You see, the thing likes being in the shadows, hidden away where no one can see it. From those dark places it draws its power. From behind closed doors it can do its work. With no one to bother the thing it can go on forever doing what it wants to do. You see, as long as no one mentions the thing, the thing is free. The time has come to stop ignoring child abuse, to stand up to it and to take it out once and for all. (AG)”
  • “Stranger danger” doesn’t work. “Some simple tips to help kids should the worst case happen and they are faced with a stranger trying to assault them or worse kidnap them. Consider teaching in a safe environment, your kids about scenarios such as “if someone tells you that I’m sick and you need to go with them what should you do ?” – The correct answer of course being find an adult such as your teacher and tell them immediately. Or “If someone asks you to help find their dog in the park what should you do” – The answer being say the following words “Sure thing my mum/dad love dogs their just over there I’ll go get them to help find your lost dog” Or “If someone grabs you what should you do” The answer being “Scream as loud as you can YOU ARE NOT MY MUM OR DAD” As loud as you can and as many times as you can. Yes Stranger danger does not work most of the time but why not teach your kids these simple steps to help arm them should the worst happen? (A)”
  • Verbal abuse is still abuse. “Most people agree that what we say to our children can have a big impact on the way they think, feel, and behave for the rest of their lives. Whether you tell a child that they are good or bad, clever or stupid, lazy or helpful, chances are they are going to believe you, and behave accordingly. What we tend to forget, however, is that what we say within earshot of a child has the potential to be even more damaging; that’s because the child in these cases often loses the opportunity to question what they have heard, which has probably been said with an adult level of understand in mind. How often do we casually mention that we ‘hate’ someone, that our thighs are huge, that ‘everyone loves a beer’, or that life is just too hard? As an adult, a passing comment like that means so little, because we know how to process things like context, bias, tone, and motive, but as a child these words are as true, literal, and permanent as ‘the sky is blue’. Here’s a small example; it might not be a big deal, but it does illustrate just how easily a few words, casually spoken, can affect the view that a child has of themselves or the world. When I was about four years old, my best friend and I liked to wear the same clothing. One afternoon, the adults were commenting on our similarities while we played nearby, when I overheard my friend’s mother mention that my bottom was bigger than her daughter’s. Based on the discussions I had heard between adult women about their bodies, as well as those between adult men about women’s bodies, I had the impression that a ‘big bum’ was one of the worst features that a person could possibly possess. That moment is the only memory I have from that day, because it is my earliest memory of feeling ‘ugly’. I was running behind my friend at the time and looked at her shorts – the same as mine – then went into my room to try to look at mine in the mirror. Of course, I didn’t see anything wrong, but I knew that adults knew best. I was told hundreds of positive things over the years, but that description never left the internal vision that I had of my body. It’s not often that face-to-face compliments really make up for the things you hear people say when they think you aren’t listening, because children learn very early that adults often reserve their real opinion for behind the back of the subject. I know people who are still suffering because as children they heard a trusted adult say that they were ‘a bad egg’, ‘too opinionated’, ‘not creative’, or ‘dumb’. Men who grew up thinking that they shouldn’t talk about their feelings, and women who thought that they deserved to be treated badly, all because of the off-hand sexist comments they heard as children. We all make risqué jokes, throw out sarcastic one-liners, and even speak too harshly from time to time, but try to remember before you speak, that little ears hear a whole lot differently than our own. If you happen to slip up, as we all do on occasion, make sure that you provide a thorough explanation, along with an opportunity for questions, because to a child, your word is gold. (JB)”



2 thoughts on “Stuff to look at – January 2014

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